How to Heal After a Divorce: Part 3

How to Heal After a Divorce Part 1 of 3 by Dominique Wilson

How to Heal From a Divorce by Dominique WilsonWelcome to the final segment of my 3-part mini-series How to Heal After a Divorce.

Healing after a divorce looks different for everyone, but there 3 steps that I recommend to anyone getting started: Create Structure, Set Boundaries, and Get Support.

In Part 1, I discussed the importance of creating structure in your life, which is the first step you should take to start building a strong foundation to heal after a divorce.

Click Here to Read Part 1: Create Structure

Then, in Part 2, I we talked about setting boundaries around your physical space and energy. I shared some actionable tips and strategies to help you get started.

Click Here to Read Part 2: Set Boundaries

This post is all about the 3rd step in healing after a divorce—getting support.

WHY WE PUSH PEOPLE AWAY

It is not uncommon to want to isolate yourself from your social circle when you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed.

Even though you feel lonely, you may find yourself pushing people away because

you feel like a burden, or are ashamed about the divorce.

BUT, truth is…

Even though we tell ourselves that we'd rather be left alone, what we really want is to avoid feeling judged by others,

...And, the ONLY reason we feel that way is because we’re judging ourselves.

The fact is, you are not Superwoman, nor should you want to be (sounds exhausting).

Just as you would extend compassion to a friend who came to you for help, do the same for yourself.

Compassion, like mercy, is given freely to all—no matter what. And you are no exception.

Remember that most other people will naturally see you through a lens of compassion (not judgment).

With that said, you must speak up because your needs are not obvious to most people.

If you don't ASK for the support you need—you probably won't get it.

WHY YOU NEED SUPPORT AFTER A DIVORCE

We ALL need support after a divorce for two reasons:

1) To keep an open heart.

2) To maintain balance.

Sharing thoughts, feelings, fears, beliefs, and simply giving yourself permission to be vulnerable with another person gives you the strength to keep your heart open which is essential in order to heal.

AND in order to have balance—you need to allow yourself to be taken care of without feeling obligated to return the gesture.

I remember when I would give and give and give….

And then, when I needed support during my divorce, I became silent.

I didn’t ask for help because I didn’t want burden people,

I didn’t want to upset my friends by being a complainer,

I didn’t want to be labeled as a drama queen, and yada-yada-yada…

But, I soon realized that making excuses to isolate myself was never about them, it was 100% about me.

I was running because I didn’t want to face the fact that I felt unworthy of being loved.

Can you relate?

When we allow ourselves to shut down and remain guarded—we can’t really connect because we close our hearts.

When we close our hearts, we not only block our ability to feel pain, but ALSO our ability to feel pleasure, joy, happiness, love, and connection.

One cannot exist without the other.

So choose the right people to let your guard down with, and let them support you because you ARE so, so worth it!

CHOOSE THE RIGHT PEOPLE

Giving yourself permission to receive the presence, inspiration, emotional support and guidance of the right people can help you to heal much faster after a divorce.

BUT,

You'll want to vet people before you open up to them because let's face it—some people are just NOT cut out for emotional support.

Beware of the folks known for their tough-love, unsolicited advice, judgment, gossip, and invalidation. 

It doesn't make them bad people, they're just not the cut out for this purpose, so don't expect them to change just because you're going through something.

The right people won’t feel drained or out-shined by your need to vent, cry, or simply talk about your experiences.

The right people have strong enough boundaries to offer you their full presence and support, without becoming emotionally invested in your story.

The right people listen without judgment, and ask powerful questions to get you thinking in a positive direction.

The right people make you feel safe, heard, and validated without having to agree with you or state their opinions.

You’ll know the right people based on how you feel before and after your encounter with them.

Avoid negative/toxic people at all costs,

AND, avoid anyone who you know is currently experiencing the same type of emotional pain as you but hasn’t yet overcome it.

You don’t need a man-bashing pity-party—you need safety, accountability, and reliable support.

Hurting people CANNOT support you, no matter how well their intention.

So, choose carefully who you share your story with, and don't take it personal if it isn't well-received—that only means it's not the right person.

GET PROFESSIONAL SUPPORT AFTER DIVORCE

Friends and family can provide emotional support to help you cope and heal after a divorce,

However, getting professional support can guide you to dig deeper, and make the internal shifts that will set you up for success going forward.

Counseling helps you to explore the past and make connections to gain a better understanding of who you are, and your role in relation to your current situation and other people in your life.

Coaching, however, looks onward at the future.

When you work with a coach, your main focus is, “what are my next steps?”

So many women face a major identity crisis after a divorce, and it can be very confusing.

A coaching program such as Rediscover You can provide the comprehensive support you need to get clear on who you are and what you want out of life, so that you can start creating it step-by-step.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT

1) In your journal, list your sources of support. Are they the right people? Who should you avoid sharing your feelings with?

2) Post a comment below with your answer to the following: How comfortable are you with receiving?

I can’t wait to read your comment!

In Peace & Beauty,

Dominique

P.S. If you are ready struggling with your identity, or uncertain of your purpose—I’d love to help you get clear so you can start moving forward again. This is your life, don't put it off any longer...

Click This Link to schedule your FREE Discovery Call with me now!

FEELING FRUSTRATED, STUCK, CONFUSED, OR UNCERTAIN OF YOUR PURPOSE?

I'd love to help you get clear so that you can start moving forward and create a more fulfilling life.
Every second of your life is precious, so don't delay, click the button below to schedule your FREE 20-minute discovery call with me now!

I'd love to help you get clear so that you can start moving forward and create a more fulfilling life.
Every second of your life is precious, so don't delay, click the button below to schedule your FREE 20-minute discovery call with me now!

I'd love to help you get clear so that you can start moving forward and create a more fulfilling life.
Every second of your life is precious, so don't delay, click the button below to schedule your FREE 20-minute discovery call with me now!

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