How To Heal After a Divorce: Part 2

How to Heal After a Divorce Part 1 of 3 by Dominique Wilson

How to Heal From a Divorce by Dominique WilsonThe fastest way to heal and begin moving forward after your divorce is to develop a solid game plan that provides emotional support, and I created this 3-part mini-series to help you do just that!

This is Part 2, so if you haven't read about the 1st step yet, click here to read about creating structure in PART 1

Even if you initiated it, divorce can make you feel quite vulnerable.

So it’s important to reduce or eliminate any unnecessary stress so that you can focus 100% on healing and moving forward.

Physical and energetic clutter are both subtle, yet highly powerful sources of stress.

They can provoke ill moods, negative thoughts, sleeplessness, bouts of sadness, anger, you name it—these are the things that will block you from moving forward.

In Part 1 of this mini-series, I discussed the urgency of creating structure in your life after a divorce as a first step. You can read more about that in Part 1 of How to Heal From Divorce.

After creating structure, the next step is to set boundaries.

Set Boundaries To Heal After a Divorce

Structure provides a solid foundation for your healing journey, but boundaries are essential to keep your moving forward while remaining in alignment with what you want out of life.

To set boundaries, there are 2 key areas you’ll want to consider—your space and your energy.

The overall goal of setting boundaries is to purposefully create an environment helps you to:

1) Get focused on what you want more of in your life, and

2) Surround yourself only with things, people, and situations that support you in getting it.

Step 1: Declutter Your Space

Setting boundaries around your physical space is all about decluttering by removing what no longer serves you.

Decluttering your space can increase your mental clarity, reduce your stress levels, and make room in your life for new experiences.

How are you currently filling your space?

Think about where you sleep, work, relax, groom, eat, store apparel, and socialize. Also consider your car, wallet, purse, carrying bag, drawers, bulletin boards, etc.

...Are there lots of boxes and bins?

...Are there piles of paper or miscellaneous objects?

...Are there things you haven’t used or clothes you haven’t worn in over 6 months?

...Are there items that still represent who you used to be rather than who you are now?

If you have items that trigger an unpleasant emotion every time you see them (i.e. photos)—I recommend getting them out of sight as quickly as possible.

I don’t recommend throwing things away in anger. So, before you dump all of those photos you may want to consider putting them away in a box out of sight for now, so that you can stay focused on what’s most important to you right now.

Step 2: Declutter Your Energy

Decluttering your energy is the most important of these three because it determines how you show up in life.

You can either be reactive or responsive—the best results come from the latter because it puts you in control of your life.

Your energy is mostly affected by your thoughts, your mindset, and social influences.

How are you spending your energy?

What’s your inner dialogue like?

What/who do you listen to, watch, and have physical contact with?

In order to declutter your energy—you'll need to identify your influences, and then adjust them to meet your current needs.

Sensory Influences

Start with your 5 senses—only take in what brings you joy, and helps you to fulfill your highest intention.

  • Sight: Beautiful images, naturescapes
  • Hearing: Soothing music, inspirational messages
  • Smell: Aromatherapy, essential oils, freshly cut grass
  • Touch: Hugs, soft blanket, self-massage
  • Taste: Try new foods, different spices, fresh fruits

The goal is to make sure you feel good about what you encounter with your 5 senses. This is very personal, so take some time to think about what makes YOU feel good.

Social Influences

Your social influences are people and situations that you encounter on a regular basis.

It’s always best to avoid gossip, complainers, bad news, and negative/toxic people.

As tempting as it may seem, try to avoid talking negatively about your ex because it will only remind you of disappointment, and drain your energy.

It’s okay to vent—just be sure that your listener is capable of being emotionally detached from the situation so that they can fully support you.

Also, stick to “I” statements (“I’m feeling…” or “I’ve been experiencing…”) when venting so that  you can reap the benefit of process your own feelings.

This will help you stay on the fast-track to healing.

Please remember that you don’t owe anyone anything, ever.

So if you need to limit or end contact with certain people who bring you down—give yourself permission to do so, unapologetically.

This step may may be difficult and awkward, but this is the work!

Learning to love yourself fiercely will require some radical decisions from time to time, but you’re so worth it!

YOUR ASSIGNMENT

1) Pick one aspect of your life that needs stronger boundaries—either your space or energy.

2) In the comments below this blog post, list 1 action steps that you can take right away to start decluttering that area.

I look forward to hearing from you, I read every comment!

In Peace & Beauty,

Dominique

Stay tuned for the final post on Getting Support—the 3rd thing you need to do to heal after a divorce...

 


FEELING FRUSTRATED, STUCK, CONFUSED, OR UNCERTAIN OF YOUR PURPOSE?

I'd love to help you get clear so that you can start moving forward and create a more fulfilling life.
Every second of your life is precious, so don't delay, click the button below to schedule your FREE 20-minute discovery call with me now!

I'd love to help you get clear so that you can start moving forward and create a more fulfilling life.
Every second of your life is precious, so don't delay, click the button below to schedule your FREE 20-minute discovery call with me now!

I'd love to help you get clear so that you can start moving forward and create a more fulfilling life.
Every second of your life is precious, so don't delay, click the button below to schedule your FREE 20-minute discovery call with me now!

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